Emotions

Good lord, give me back my nausea! I would take that any day over these fits of rage, sobbing, and lack of self esteem.

For the past few days I have been in a happy mood, then sad, then happy, then I'm fat, then I am crying, then I laugh, then I say I'm ugly and everyone hates me, back to happy, back to no emotion, what-so-ever.

I can't stand it.

Yesterdays conversation with the dad:

Dad: You look like you are kind of poopy.
Me: I do? I don't feel poopy.
Dad: What's the matter?
Me: I don't know. I think I'm bored.
Dad: Oh. You are just quiet.
Me: ::sits on dad's lap and snuggles: : I am in a bad mood but I don't know why.
Dad: Oh, boy.
Me: I feel like I might cry.
Dad: I think I have to go
Me: ::gets misty:: I don't know why I am acting like this!
Dad: I do.
Me: Well I don't want it! I don't want to be pregnant anymore! ::crying:: I don't like crying when there is no reason to cry!
Dad: I think I have to go
(I should mention - he is actually hugging me)
Me: You don't deal well with girl emotions do you?
Dad: What?! I don't know what you are talking about.
Me: ::laughing:: you get all nervous when I cry and stuff
Dad: I have to do, I don't know what you are talking about ::with a smirk::
Me: Why does everyone hate me?
Dad: No one hates you.
Me: Yes they do, no one wants to hang out with me! I don't even want to hang out with me. I am so completely annoying myself right now!
Dad: ::silent but hugging::
Me: Do we have any Tylenol PM I can take so I can just sleep through this period of pregnancy!?
Dad: No.
Me: Whatever. ::goes and gets a tissue because I'm crying again, and my nose is running::
Dad: Just relax and calm down - I will be back later.
Me: ::plops myself on the couch:: I am so bored!!!

So I called my mom to see if she wanted to do a little shopping. This was fine until we hit the 3rd store. I started getting cranky and antsy. And then at the gas station there were 2 teenie boppers screaming and carrying on like to sluts - I mean seriously! Yelling at cars with boys in them telling them they were hot. I get into my car and turned to my mom and yelled: "THIS IS WHY SO MANY DAMN TEENAGERS GET PREGNANT! BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL SLUTS! THEY DRESS LIKE EM' AND ACT LIKE EM". She just stared at me. I thought to myself - who cares and why are you yelling. We head to McDonald's. She gets ice cream and water, and I get a cheeseburger and fry. What do we get...ice cream, 2 waters, cheeseburger and fry. For some reason getting 2 waters really pissed me off!

"Why are we getting another water?!" My mom is like, just take it! I look at the receipt and there are two waters on it. "Why don't people listen!" My mom tried to make some excuse for her. I didn't buy it. And then the girl handed me my bag and mumbled something. Now usually i can't stand it when Fast Food clerks have absolutely NO customer service. But to day, I wanted to pull her through the window! I just yelled," GOSH! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DON'T HAVE CUSTOMER SERVICE SKILLS!" again, as I drive away I think, Who cares and why are you so upset over it.

It was just a bad day! I got home, and started organizing my bedroom again! It looks a lot better and will look even better when i get the bookshelf I bought out of my car and set up. Right now...it's still a passenger in my car. Because I am not allowed to lift things. Which is just stupid. I want to lift things...I need to lift things. I swear, some parts of pregnancy are just stupid! And I suppose if you are completely lazy, this part works in your favor and you can have a "reason" to be lazy. But I am not a lazy person, far from it. So when I want something done, I do it myself to get it done when I want. I don't like all this...waiting around for someone else to do things for me. It's dumb. AGAIN, a rant on something I need not be ranting about.

Emotions are for the birds.

18 weeks and counting. We have ourselves a little sweet potato! Which is making me think of Thanksgiving food! Exciting things to come: Friday we find out the sex of the baby. That day we also leave for Tennessee! I can't wait to finally have some downtime. To be away from the stress of our families, and just be together taking pictures, and being together. Did I mention that?!