"and sooo it issss."

Well it's done. All the parents know...and we can move forward. Was it fun? No. What is awful? No. Did they react how I expected? No. I am glad I didn't go in it alone. I am glad he didn't have to deal with it alone. He took charge and told them. They reacted as they needed to. I am glad it's over.

I just want everyone to be happy and get a long. I don't like the feeling that my baby is a burden on someone or that it doesn't make them happy. I don't know. Lots of emotions going through my mind.

But again, at least everyone that needs to know, knows.

2nd Trimester!

Tomorrow officially starts my 2nd Trimester of pregnancy! As well as the only week you are allowed to call my baby a lemon. So get it out of your system. In a few weeks, I am hoping to get another addition of drawings from Kate and Sarah as to what my baby looks like. That way, they can't say he/she looks like a lemon. lol

I am excited! This is when I supposedly start showing. Get my bump, if you will. Ok, let's be honest, this is when I start the road to being the size of an elephant. There is a picture. Me walking around with a large elephant like bump protruding from my stomach. Fantastic! Can't wait! Actually, I want to start showing! I want to be able to see that I am pregnant, instead of feeling that I am pregnant.

Tonight...well, tonight is dooms day, so everyone is making me believe. lol Well not everyone but a few people that know the dad's mother. We , well quite possibly just me, am telling his parents tonight that I am with child. With their son's child, I should probably be more specific. lol But I hear it will be bad - but I am hoping for the best and not the worst. This could backfire. But what can you do. I am trying not to stress out too much....but I am a little worried that the dad is going to skip out on me. Even though I already told him 5 times I would do it myself. Part of me would rather, but the bigger part wants him there so I can hold his hand. More like squeeze his hand. Heck - I should just take one of those stress ball thingies and squeeze the living tar nations out of that. It would most likely explode, and I am sure that the contents of said stress ball is not safe for the kid...so better yet, leaving the stress ball at home, and will go back to his hand.

I wonder if she will kick me out of her house! lol That would be interesting. Do I just go if she does? Or do I stay and try to be reasonable? Who know. I am hungry...i wonder if it would be frowned upon if I ate a snack while telling her. lol Then if it gets crazy, I could just pretend to choke! She isn't going to let a cute pregnant woman choke right in front of her.....maybe I shouldn't press my luck and should keep the snack at home.

ok, so telling his parents and leaving stress ball and food at home. GOT IT!

lol - odd

Remember the post when I said that pregnant woman tend have cravings for non-food items...lol I had my first.

I was walking past the janitor who just filled the bucket with soapy water and it smelled good. And I though, "Oh, that smells good..and then I could taste it and thought...I want to eat that. I WANT TO EAT THAT?!" Then I laughed to myself because it's just weird.

Not that I was going to run back and stick my head in the bucket.

Off the "I want to eat soapy water" topic: I am not sure if I am in my 2nd Trimester or not. Some say the end of week 13 is the beginning of Trimester 2, and some say the beginning of 13 is. Which is it, I hate being in limbo!

Peaches, Pickles, Pastrami...ok, not pastrami...or peaches

So what I have noticed as of late is that I want to eat all the time. I want to eat every time there is not food entering into my mouth. I smell food when no food is around, I dream about food, I wake up and think about food. Well, I wake up with a strange hankering for strawberry pancakes. I have started a trend where I wake up, call sister or email sister and ask for strawberry pancakes. Then I send an email to Kate and ask her where my strawberry pancake delivery is. lol Until I either go to breakfast and get them, or I don't get them, and just desire them for about an hour and then eat something else.

While sitting at my desk and no food in site, almost everyone had gone for the day and I got a whif of Bob Evan's biscuits. You know the smell, very distinctive...but I wanted them. I talked about them through email. I had to STOP myself from pulling into Bob Evan's on the way home. I mean, it's like you become obsessed. Today I smelled Burger King's Original Chicken Sandwich. I could taste it in my mouth. It's just weird how you smell something and then you WANT it.

I decided to go grocery shopping and stock up on some things that I had run out of....pregnancy necessities. Pickles, Milk, Ice Cream Sandwiches, etc..you get the point. I had the MOST obscure cart in the store. lol

I grabbed foods I haven't eaten in years...or wouldn't normally eat. The sad thing...when you have a craving for something, it doesn't mean it's going to be there in an hour, or even 5 minutes. It changes so quickly. In a conversation with my friend I realized this to be extremely true. I don't usually like fig newtons...but they sounded fantastic...so I bought them. Honestly - when I think of them now, I want to hurl. They don't sound good. I can taste the gritty center right now - and I want to stop talking about them right now. I bought sour cream - for nacho cups - and the thought of eating sour cream...makes me want to vom. Why does this happen!? Someone tell me?! It makes me want to cry...which I have been doing a lot of lately...like right now, I seriously want to cry because I don't know why food makes me want to throw up! lol

Let's not get started on the emotions....All I have to do is see the preview for Time Traveler's Wife - and I lose it.

sad.

On the more exciting side of things....my peach is 13 weeks..."aaaannnd grooooowwwwing."

Baby Shopping

Today was the first day that I actually spent money on baby. Kate and I went to Ikea and shopped till we dropped, literally. I think we wanted to just sleep for a few hours before we headed home.

I "purchased" some really neat things for the nursery! Which I can't wait to start organizing. There are some things that need to be moved out of the room, but I can wait a bit longer. It would really help to know the sex of this little tyke so I can start buying colors. Which I think, no matter what is going to be a combination of Greens and oranges. Bright colors and white. ;o) can't go wrong.

As I start the process, I will take pictures of my progress and post them here! I know you are interested! lol Nothing new in baby development. Sunday will start my 13th weeks! Which to some is the 2nd trimester to others in ending the 1st trimester.

13 weeks is a peach! and 14 weeks is - well I refuse to call my baby a lemon! lol

Seeing is believing...

So I had my NT test today. This test tells you whether there is a chance for your baby to have downs syndrome. They do an ultrasound and measure a skin flap behind the baby's neck - or something.

I had to pee an hour a head of time and then drink 12oz of water and hold it. I thought, well I hardly ever pee - so this should be easy. Well, I had to go when I got there. I laid on the bed and the sploosh the goop and start pressing the little dealio around looking for the babe. Well, the pressure, you feel it all in your bladder. lol

As the tech moved over t the right side of my body there he was.

He is laying on his head in this picture. (stewwwwpid)

But it's just weird to see a babylike baby in there. It looked like a baby is supposed to look. While looking at the screen, I thought it had horns. Which was freaky. I thought for a slight moment that all this wrong doing of having a baby unplanned I was giving birth to the devil's child. But they went away - or I was looking at something wrong - it was weird.

Then panic set in as what if it didn't have a heartbeat? What if it was dead and I was looking at a dead baby. (Well these thoughts go through your head!) But then she passed over his chest and you could see the flutter. Plus later the tech let me hear the heartbeat and took it's heart rate! (160)

So whilst looking at the child, he had his hand in his face so she started pressing up and down, WITH FORCE, mind you, to get him to move his arm. I was thinking, "Ease up lady, I am about to wiz all over the exam bed/table thingy!" But he responded. He's a fighter. He was like, "what you doin' lady!" and started flopping around. It's possible he could have been laughing at me for thinking he had horns. lol But he was bouncing all over the place! THAT was a WEIRD sight to see. He even rolled on his side away from us. He was most likely mooning me. Already this kid has a sense of humor! LOVE IT.

He raised is hand while I was watching. The tech got excited and said he was waving at me. As if to say, "HI MOM!" It's so hard to explain the feelings you get from seeing that. It was such a great experience that I was glad I did alone - like it was just a moment between he and I. (I know I keep saying he. lol) But it was amazing. If I could have gotten a video - I would have paid for it so I could show people.

It was just incredible. There is really a baby in there - and it's amazing how baby like it is for only being 2 inches! But already I feel protective of him. And can't wait to see what he looks like outside of womb. I am 12 weeks this week and next week will begin my 2nd Trimester. Which is when you feel GREAT, so I hear. I wonder when I will start to show - and I can't wait to see what the sex is!

Here is my little plumb suckin' his thumb - at least that is what it looks like.

Next appointment in 2 weeks - which is just a checkup. Not sure when I get another ultrasound...but when I find out - I will let you know!

Done.

Well, I told my mother today. In a quite comical way - but she didn't laugh. lol I basically told her I had a secret that she couldn't tell anyone, but she might want to sit down for it. She gave me some off the wall prediction, to which I replied, "no, I am having a baby." To which she replied, "you liar." To which I replied, "No, I am having a baby." She slowly made her way to the chair and sat down and shook her head.

She didn't yell - apparently I am not a very good predictor of how things will play out. It was basically the same concerns as my dad, but she was ok. She said that I needed to tell the dad's mother right away - to which I replied, "All in good time." I don't want to step on the dad's toes with butting in and telling his mother. It would bother me if he has walked up to my dad and just told them without me. But we will see how that goes. My mom seems to think it will be ok, I don't agree. But, like I said before, I am bad at predicting these things.

So almost everyone knows - at this point people can tell people and I will be ok. A little worried about certain people finding out, but what can you do.

At least it's out there and I don't have to keep secrets. yay. Let the fun begin...

Poopage.

For those of you that don't like this topic - I caution you to stop reading right now. However, chances are you haven't because you are slightly intrigued about what I am going to say. It's all about poop. Or lack there of.

So you read in the books that constipation is a "side effect" of being pregnant. So when you think constipation, what do you think of? Cheese? I do. Except when you eat a lot of cheese, you may not go for a day. MAYBE. I don't really remember, it's been a while since I've eaten that much cheese.

Anyway - today I jumped (well as much as I am allowed to...) for joy! I finally went! It's been 3 days! Now we had a minor terdage here and there - but not the full blown basket of eggs! I know, it's sorta gross...

I have NEVER been this constipated in my life to where I am so excited that I "dropped the kids off at the pool". It was sheer joy. I could have cried! I could have called everyone I knew and let them know! Instead, I thought, let the world know. Let the world know what you have endured over the last 3 days. Pain and anger.

There is nothing more frustrating (well, I am sure there is, but at the time there wasn't) than sitting on the "terd-let" and nothing happening. The rocking back and forth (oh, don't pretend you don't know about it) or leaning forward to help the little guy out and NOTHING. Not to mention, my dear friend Kate has had to listen to me say "I can't believe I haven't pooped in 2 days!"

So for those of you interested in what REALLY happens during pregnancy - plan on taking a poo about every 3 or 4 days.

I warned you. And now, if you aren't laughing hysterically, you've at least realized you know far more about me than you ever planned on. lol

Cuteness...

My Friends are adorable! Today we had a wonderful diner together and the girls drew pictures of what my baby looks like right now. I also joined in on the fun!

One down...two more to go.

So last night about 9:30 I became brave and decided to head to my dad's to just get it over and done with. They had been on vacation for the past 10 days so I thought I might as well just do it.

We started with small talk about their trip and then about work and then they asked why I was out so late. To which I replied "well there is a reason I am here, but I don't want to say what it is." To which my step-mother replied "How many months? and can I get a cigarette?" I mention a drink for dad might be needed, as well.

It wasn't at all how I thought it would go. I wasn't called an idiot, and I didn't get grounded. lol Which was a joke at some point in time. They asked me a bunch of questions. And kept telling me I had to take care of myself and be more excited about it. Since I was having a baby and it was exciting.

I think that is the hardest thing to make people understand. It's not like it was planned. And while I know it's happening, it's sometimes hard to jump up and down with excitement. I think the Dr. might frown upon umping up and down anyway.

Still waiting to talk to the dad about when exactly he is wanting to tell his parents, so I can tell my mom before. And if I don't hear from him, I'm just going to tell my mom and hope she won't tell his mother until we tell her.

First Dr. Visit

So, I thought I would elaborate on what happened when we heard the heartbeat.

When we got to the Dr.'s office - we walked to the elevator. Which "dad" had to point out how everyone knew where we were going and why! lol We walked in and I headed for the waiting room and looked behind me and he was gone. He was raiding the candy dish lol We were stared at as we walked in by the woman in their many stages of pregnancy. We were told she was 15 minutes behind. Yeah - more like...an hour.

We talked about funny stories or what would we do if someone we knew walked in. We needed to come up with a good excuse. "This isn't McDonalds?!" We laughed mostly as he did very well at keeping m mind on lighter things. Every time the nurse would come out, he's squeeze my knee. "K....risten" "Did your heart stop beating!" lol I think he was a bit more freaked out than me.

We finally were called and went back.

He sat quietly in the chair while the nurse took my weight and blood pressure. She told me that the gown had to go on - take off all your clothes flap opening in the front. lol She walked out and I looked over and he was like, "Let's read a book!" I threw the robe over his head and told him to not look! It was too medical for him to look! I got changed and we waited some more.

This waiting was the most amusing part of the day! lol He has so much nervous energy he was dropping things, getting up and pacing, pretending to touch all the instruments and then he came to it. The model. I looked at it a few times across the room, but had no idea what it was. He walked over and started laughing. And made a few comments, and picked it up. I had to ask, "What is that!?" To which he started laughing. "What do you mean what is it!? It's woman parts! You should know, you have them!" I started laughing and said I couldn't tell! We laughed a lot and then she came in!

She was very energetic and congratulated us both. She even knew dad's name. I don't care if she just read it off the chart - I was glad she acknowledged him. He smiled and said thank you and i just stared blankly. She said "why does it seem like you are a bit nervous?" I replied simply, "Well I am still in denial about this. I just want to hear the heartbeat to know if this is really happening or if it's dead in there." LOL I have such a way with words. She started telling me how it was a lot of pressure to put on her since you may not hear the heartbeat at 10 weeks, but there was a possibility because I was thin, that we could. (I have never been told I was thin! This was amazing to hear!) So she sat down as said:

Dr: "Did you take a test?"

Me: "Yes" (5 actually, plus a doctors visit, but who's counting ;o) )

Dr: "Are you experiencing nausea or vomiting?"

Me: "Yes"

Dr: "Are your breast sore or tender to the touch"

Me: "Yes"

Dr: "Have you had a period?"

Me: "No"

Dr: "Well, there is a strong possibility that you might be pregnant!"

So we all laugh - because obviously she just made me sound like I was out of my mind - which I am not. lol

The exam starts and I don't even know what is going through "dads" mind. She was very good and kept my mind off what she was doing! Unlike my last Dr! She is talking and then says "Well, everything looks good!" and we both started laughing hysterically. She probably thought we were a bunch of kids! But, it was funny!

Now onto the even neater stuff...

She starts the little thingy to hear if there was a heartbeat. It was probably the longest 2 minutes ever. There was nothing, then you could hear my heartbeat, then nothing, nothing, then my stomach growled, then there was laughter, then the laughter completely stopped as we listened to the heartbeat. "There it is, the proof you need. Congratulation both of you!" I wish she would have held it there a little longer. I wish it was a happier moment to where mom and dad hug with excitement. Instead it was dead silence. Both in the realization that it's REALLY happening now. I got dressed and we walked out to the car. Even past the candy dish and he was right next to me, didn't even want candy.

We drove back to my place and just sat there for a few minutes. He sat there very quiet, and I stood next to him. We just held each other a little bit and then started to try to discuss telling people. He is scared out of his MIND to tell his parents. I want to be there. He thinks I should rethink it. But I am not. I think that we should rip the band-aid off this weekend. I don't think he ever wants to tell anyone. It's been extremely strenuous on our relationship. But I am hoping we can pull through it together. I tend to want to try and fix things - and he tends to try to find ways to avoid them. I think we really can make this easy and less stressful if we are together. However, he will not be there when I tell my dad and mother. Just because I don't want to expose him to what they are going to say.

I know it's going to be bad - but then, I also know, it's going to get better.

At least the first visit was memorable and fun! And I am hoping he will continue to be there for all the other visits. We have another in 2 weeks for the nucal translucency test, and another 2 weeks from that, is my 2nd visit. Which I have to remember to drink before these things, since I have to pee in a cup. It's hard to do when you feel pressured or on the spot. lol

It's Official.

It's little ticker is tickin' away.

It was actually not an awful experience. The dad actually made it enjoyable and kept me laughing to keep my mind off of all the stuff that would make me nervous.

But now what!?!

We have to tell our parents. Which we will hopefully come up with a plan for soon.

The Day.

Well tomorrow is right around the corner.

I have very mixed feelings about it. I am excited to find out if this is all really happening. I am nervous about getting the womanly parts all poked and prodded. Which I think if this is really happening, I need to just get used to. From what I hear, they'll be down there a lot. Not to mention front and center when that kid comes shooting out of there.

I have watched more baby shows than I have in my whole life. 16 and Pregnant, TLC baby shows, Special Delivery, etc. I like the 16 and Pregnant, because - well as sad or mean as this may seem, if a 16 year old kid can do this - so can I. lol I have watched someone receiving their epidural. That made me want to vomit, but no one was screaming their heads off or saying it was hurting, so it must not be that bad.

I think that tomorrow when I find out - it's going to change my perspective big time. I am still in the "denial" aspect of this. I know. I quite possible have a prune sized baby inside of me, and I am still in denial. (10 weeks). You'd think that after 10 weeks, I would have some sort of grip - but I don't. Not even close. The thought of being a mother still freaks me out. The thought of how I am going to afford to buy things, freaks me out. I need to just start going to Garage Sales and buying used and painting them to look new.

But of course I can't start buying things until I know for sure and have had the sit down with my mom, my dad, and his parents. Which is going to be lovely. Because over the past week, I have accepted the fact that it's going to be bad. There will be yelling, I will be defending people, and then there's how big of a disappointment I've been. But, yeah, its got to be done. After they've said what they have to say, they'll apologize and hopefully enjoy it and laugh about it. YES laugh about it. So when i say, "remember that time I went on vacation and got knocked up. Wasn't that a gas!?! hahahahahahha" and then they'll join in and we will all laugh together.

a girl can dream, can't she. Until tomorrow....