She got out a kit that has breastfeeding stuff in it and reading materials. oooh free stuff. But weird free stuff. I am used to free pens, free magnets, free notepads. Not free baby formula or free bottles, and journals, and travel kits for when you venture to the hospital and spit the watermelon out of the worm hole. (that is what it seems like right now.)
So she goes through the list of illnesses and crazy diseases that I or family members may have. I gave her I don't think so - how do I know. WHAT IF I HAVE THAT! LMAO - not really! lol She then went though a list of blood tests to have done and some you could add on. Down Syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis, and something else. Which scared me, so I ignored them. She started going on and on about what I should eat and drink and what I shouldn't eat. What I can do as far as activities - run no more than 2 miles and a slower pace, ride a bike, work out at the gym. But I am NOT, repeat, NOT allowed to jump on a trampoline. I asked. She said no, I was sad.
It was a good chat - we talked about stress and what I was going though. What my thoughts were and how completely normal they are. That it's completely bad timing - I laughed when she said this as well. I told her how i have been having sex since I was 17 years old. And while I can count the people I've slept with on one hand - I have never taken birth control and never really used it. LOL And I haven't been pregnant since. She was amazed. I said NOW, this is the time that was chosen for me, under these circumstances. Yeah - stressful. But overall, she claims I will get over the stress once people know, and I hear the heartbeat. Only because I asked her, "How do I know I am really pregnant and it's not just a lump sitting there with no heartbeat?". Classy.
After the chat she handed me all my goodies and handed me a lab sheet and told me to have a good day. I asked her when I get the lab work done. Simple question. "Today, it's right downstairs." Ugh............
So by now I have traveled in an elevator twice - which I hate - but am finding that it's not so scary. Actually, I would much rather travel in that, that be as stressed as I am. I get to the lab - where the lady had very long fingernails. VERY LONG - and I couldn't help but stare at them while she was typing. I tell her that I hope I don't pass out, since I haven't eaten. She doesn't laugh - and i go wait for the nurse to call me back. I get called, go back, sit down, and she starts pulling the tubes - there are like 5 or 7 of them. I am like holy hell, do you need that much! I need it, don't take it! So she starts and she asks me if I am excited - which I tell her not yet. That it was unplanned. She said that is how she got her son. She also asked if the father was going to be there or if I was doing it alone. Which I informed her that since I told the dad, he's been non-existent, so chances are alone. She said that her kids dad left when he was 2 months. (which makes me sad) I just told her that in a perfect world I would prefer to be with the dad and have him excited about it! She said, that is what everyone wants. Then she said, don't worry you can do it! If I can do it, and I am 23, you can do it!
I guess I have come to agree with people that I CAN do this alone - and be fine. I am just not ready to be excited. I think once I hear that heartbeat, everything will change. I think when I know for sure that he or she is alive and kicking in there - and i can tell my parents - and be done with that part of it all....it will be a million times more enjoyable. This is, of course, my hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment