What to do...

It never shuts off. It's constantly running! Especially when you are thinking about how this is going to change you and your life. Somewhat like a tree. You have one thought that leads to another that leads to another until at some point, there are so many thoughts you break down and nothing makes sense anymore. Something like this:

"Maybe I am not really pregnant"
"But the doctor said I was pregnant so I must be"
"How do you even hold a baby?"
"My boobs are already massive, they're going to get bigger?"
"What if they stay bigger? Can I afford plastic surgery"
"Can I afford diapers and baby food?"
"How much is baby food?"
"What do they eat baby food?"
"What am I going to name this thing?"
"Where is the dad?"
"Why isn't he calling me?"
"What am I going to do?"
"Maybe I shouldn't have this baby!"
"Maybe I should just do the quick and dirty!"
"No I can't do that, I wouldn't forgive myself"
"Maybe I could forgive myself!"
"I Can't do this alone!"
"Why the hell didn't I just use a damn condom!"
"At least it was good" lol
"What if I don't drink enough!"
"Is there something I am supposed to be doing right now!?"
"Am I really having a baby?"
"I need to clean the house."
"I need to stop thinking!"
"I need a cigarette!"
"I can't have a cigarette!"
"I can't jump on a trampoline!"
"I can't smoke crack!" (I don't really smoke crack - i just started listing all the things they tell a new mother to be NOT TO DO!)
"How am I going to tell my parents?"
"How am I going to tell his parents?"

Honestly - I could go on and on....for days! Well it does go on and on for days....until you finally come to some sort of conclusions as to what you are going to do. It doesn't help when people think they know what YOU should do and tell you all the time. I have come to find that YOU have to live with your decision, nobody else. I have a decision to make and I will make the right choice for me.