Things to do while pregnant.

So I think one thing you should do while you are pregnant is try and buy a car. It will be so much fun! You will go through such a wide range of emotions that you could play "Emotion Bingo". Had I known this prior to shopping for cars, it probably would have been much more amusing!

Happy - check

Sad - check

Annoyed - check

Frustrated - check

Hot - check

Hungry - check

Angry - check

Indifferent - check

Silly - check

Shear Rage - check

Giddy - check

Cold - check

Panicky - check

Devastated - check

Glad - check

Disappointed - Check

Complete Punch-faceyness check

you get the point.

Well I had a bad morning today with feeling sick. As long as I was laying down I felt fine, but movement wasn't all that great. Plus my mind had started again and I needed it to just stop! Around 1 I felt ok enough to try and accomplish some small tasks. I wanted fresh air so I thought to myself, "just drive around town and through some dealerships and look and see what they have."

Seems simple. Good Lord! I like to think I am a fairly easy person to work with. I tell you what I want and you, as a salesman, make it happen. Seems easy enough.

Salesman #1: We'll call him Douchebag #1. I give him my shpeal on what I am looking for - what I need - what I want. He takes me inside and says, I may have some cars in that range. And starts rattling off cars and prices. Then stares at me. So I stare back and say, "well could you show me these cars?" So we head outside and look at cars. LINCOLN - A LINCOLN. Now if you drive a Lincoln chances are you are taller than 5'3". This car had the plastic wood interior - i was looking for something - I don't know - more...younger looking. I don't know. Anyway - the car was bigger than 8 of me, so I asked to see something a bit smaller. So he showed me a few cars one I liked was a Pontiac G6 and the other was a Chevy Cobalt. But then I started to notice something. That every car that we weren't looking at he would point at and would say "You can't afford that. And you definitely can't afford that! That is NOT in your price range" After looking at all the cars I nicely thanked him and said I will look around some more and come back if I don't find anything. (lol)

Salesman #2 : Nice guy, showed me around to all the cars in my price range. Again, another Pontiac G6. 2 actually - sharp looking - He also shows me a Chevy Malibu. Um, they have movable pedals! So I don't have to move the seat so close, I can move the pedals close, so I can look like a normal person in a car. So I look - and tell the salesman nicely that I am going to continue my search and that I really liked those 2 cars, and I would be back after what I found.

It's hot out! So I decide to get some water and a snack in case I got hungry.

Salesman # 3: We will call him, Mr. Non-existent. First time EVER, I walked into a car lot without someone jumping on my back trying to sell me a car. There were 3 or 4 that I would have been interested in seeing, however they didn't list their prices and they didn't come out to talk to me...so I left.

Salesman #4: we'll call him "Mr. Roper" because he was as old as dirt. Same shpeal. Pulls out his trusty papers and starts showing me the crappiest cars in the lot. "Well we really don't have a lot to work with here. $200 is sort of a lower end car." At this point - I am annoyed and I just said, I don't see what I like. I said so far there is a Pontiac G6 that I really like and so far that is what I am going with. Something I never wish I would have said. I can never get those 10 minutes back. EVER. He started on some rant about Pontiac - and it started with a whisper that reminded me of clip of Spencer that The Soup always shows, "That's the problem". The guy started going on and on about how Pontiac is falling and the price is declining and it's a horrible investment. I wonder if he noticed I wasn't listening after about 3 minutes. I left.

Salesman #5: We'll call him, "The Talker". This guy would have talked up a bicycle with no wheels if he thought I would buy it. He showed me a few Saturns - which I am not a fan of - and a Colbalt - which was white. At this point I have become extremely picky. It was white. I mentioned the G6 - to which he showed me 2 red ones that weren't ready - but they would be in a week or so. But they were red. - I drive a bright car right now, I don't want to stand out anymore! So I get in my car to leave -and he asks me about the weather in the south. To which he started going on and on about what sort of weather would be his perfect weather! Nothing colder than 60 and nothing warmer than 80 - I don't know where this place exists and i really don't care. But he had to tell me about it.

It's hot out. I am tired of people trying to sell me something. I want to meet a person that will just have the car i want and the price I want and sell it to me. Is THIS SO WRONG!!!!

Salesman #6: I don't think I can type on here what I should call him. So I will abbreviate it. "Mr. Arrogant MFer" Yes...you can tell at this point, I should have just drove home and went to bed. But I decided that they had a bunch of used cars and well, there were some that may have potential. Soon I would know, NEVER GO TO THIS DEALERSHIP! I wasn't even out of my car when I was hopped on. I mention I am looking for a car USED and around $200 a month. His reply "ok, SO NEW OR USED for $200 to $250-$300 a month." I just stared at him and said, $200. Well but you'd get a new car if it was a little over that says $250. I said "No. If you want me to walk out of here with a car, $200. " "Well," he says, "let's go inside and look at where we are at." He ran my credit report before even showing me a car! I am annoyed at this point. So I sit there and wait. He comes back and says "While he's working on that, let me show you some cars" So we go out and I notice we aren't in the used lot. He is showing me new car after new car - I am starting to get angered. I ask "when are we going to look at the used cars?" "Well, that is what I was telling you earlier. I can get you financed for a new car, way easier than I can get you financed for a used one. Most people won't even finance a used car." I am irate that this point. WTF is he talking about. I was going to get financed just fine by the 5 other duchebags I just met with, so obviously he sucks. So he is walking by all these cars (that have no sticker prices) and is obviously not enthused about selling me a car in their used lot. So much that he turns and says "I am going to go inside and look at your paperwork, you can walk around out here and see if you like anything." I am like, "ugh, ok..." Mr. Arrogant MFer walks away and I start looking at this lot filled with cars. Well, I don't know what I am looking at because half the cars don't have info on them, and all of them don't have prices on them. So I don't know if I should even be looking at them. I see a G6 and a Cobalt - but at this point, I am so hot, and so bitchy, I don't have the patience to deal with this ass. So I start to walk towards the building to where I am being greeted by another salesman. I tell him that I am already being helped just waiting. I say, "I am waiting for him as long as it take me to get in my car. If he isn't out by the time I am in my car, I am leaving." He doesn't like this, so he starts stalling me. Then he realizes that I am pissed and goes inside and gets he salesman. He comes out and starts walking towards the G6. I said, "I don't see anything that really jumps out at me. You have a G6, but the other one was in better shape and had more features and was in my price range." He was like really. I mentioned that I don't think this car is in my price range - as he never told me the price or showed me the car earlier. I am more than pissed right now. He says well lets get you in it and drive it. At this point. I DON"T WANT TO DRIVE IT. But I try to relax and think...i might as well test drive it to save me a trip if I don't like it.

I shouldn't have drove it. I loved it. smooth, quiet, and then the thought popped into my head..."How do I get out of here and back over to the other dealership?" So I drove back - and said well I am going to go back over to the other place and see what the other car had, compare prices and the other one is the color I like and has a sunroof - so I will just go back there. Then the shear anger and the complete punchfaceyness kicked in. He started in about how I don't know what the price of their car was, so how do I know it's cheaper shpeal. I just stared at him. I said, "I am sure no matter what I tell you the price of the other car is, this car is cheaper." Nothing like realizing he is going to rip me of no matter what! "If I sell you this car cheaper than that car, will you take it?" So I say, "SURE!" I just want the hell out of there. So I have to go inside and sit while he talks to his "manager" which at this point, I am sure it's a brick wall. He says, "well i will see you back in a few minutes..." I stood up and headed for the door, not before saying, "what. a complete. doucebag..."

It's hot, I am tired of dealerships, I just want a car.

Back to 2nd dealership and salesman: I am not sure I can describe this correctly to get the response it should. So I walk into the dealership and there are 4 gentlemen standing around. One is going to file some papers, one is eating some sort of meat bagel, the other one is standing there, and my guy has the keys to the the G6 ready in his hands. I walk in and say "ITS HOT OUT! I JUST GOT BACK FROM "insert dealership here" AND I WANT TO OFF MYSELF!" then I flung myself over a chair. (oh it was a dramatic entrance!) The guy dropped his papers, the other guy grabbed his head, one guy was like, "oooooohhhhhhhhhh" and the other guy just shouted, "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!". It was the comedy I needed after the day I just put myself through. They started in about how awful they are and what they do to people. I said, "I am supposed to get a quote from you on the G6 and take it back and they are going to sell me their cheaper. I don't want theirs, I want yours, so let's do this." I test drove the 2008, loved it. Came back - debated on the 2005 and then decided and proceeded. At 6pm I finally left there without a car. Disappointment set in. I got back tomorrow to finalize everything - and bring that baby home. I am very excited. Well not right now, I am exhausted. But tomorrow, I will be excited.

The moral of the story: 1) Don't want until last minute to get a car when you know you are going to need one in the future. 2) never go to #6 dealership - I don't want to be a jerk and give out their name. But ask me and I will tell you! 3) Don't want around to be treated like crap! Just leave. 4) if you are pregnant and bored and have yet to feel the range of hormonal emotions that kick in - go shopping for a car and hit at least 7 dealerships. It's fun.